Friday, January 31, 2014

Openeness agreements

So currently we are discussing with our counselor the openness agreements when the transfer results in a pregnancy. So how often and what type of communication we will have directly with our donors. It is a hard road sometimes being looked at under a microscope, but it will be so worth it.

Friday, January 24, 2014

March or May

Third time is a charm right?

We are hoping to be in the March or May Transfer group this year for our third and last chance at achieving a pregnancy. We have taken the RE's recommendation and chosen new donors. The backup accepted us right away. Our first choice declined us since we have a daughter and we picked a new first choice and after a week they agreed to us as recipients. We are going with Blastocysts this time and I will have an endometrial biopsy performed the cycle prior to transfer to help with implantation.

More to come

Our EA Journey so far

So I am writing this post to save for when we announce our news. We have been keeping this secret for a while from everyone and I wanted to be able to document our journey so that we can share it at the right time. As many of you may know we have been trying to expand our family for over 2 years now without any success. Last August we had a failed adoption and lost a lot of our adoption budget on the legal fees. We were feeling lost and discouraged and turned to prayer to decide the course we should take. Embryo Adoption/ Donation kept coming to our mind and we prayed and felt strongly that this is the course we are meant to take. This journey can also lead to ups and downs, but we know we are doing what the Lord has directed us to do and we appreciate all of your love and support during our journey to expanding our family.

11.21.12: I am so excited for this journey to begin. In 4 weeks I start taking the first of the medication protocol. Estrace to help build up your lining in preparation ;for the FET, or in this case the Mock transfer to determine the right dosage for the actual transfer. So I guess this is the last month before I will be on several hormones for the next 5 months. So please excuse my hormonal self during that time. I guess this would be after the fact so Sorry for my hormonal self ;) Our Home Study Update should be close to finished so we can send it over to the NEDC for approval. Then we will be able to select our embryos at our appointment in January. We are doing the anonymous program so it will be a lot quicker than the known donation/ open adoption program. They told me when I signed up that the typical time frame is 8-10 months, but it looks like we will be more like 6 months since we already had a home study and we are doing the anonymous program.

11.26.12: Today I received the draft of our Home Study Update. It is starting to get real, this journey we are on. Let me tell you this has been a hard secret to keep from all of you, but I think it will be worth it in the end I hope. Our next step is starting the hormone medicine in 3 weeks and then traveling to TN in January for a day for the mock transfer. I know it will be here before we know it so I will enjoy the holidays and these last few weeks before I am on all this medicine to prep for this transfer. I am really looking forward to selecting our embryos in January. We are hoping to transfer 3 embryos in the hopes that one takes, but assuming the risk of multiples. We are not sure when we would be able to try again so we are prepared to take the risk of multiples.

12.3.12 our home study was received and sent off to the NEDC for review and approval and then we will be able to select embryos at our appointment and hopefully be in our target march transfer date. We also applied for a grant from pay it forward fertility to help offset some of the medical costs so we dont use our entire savings and have some for the actual maternity costs. I still cant believe i am saying maternity costs. Who would have thought i have a lot of hope for this and faith in the Lord that this is the plan for our family. Only 2 more weeks till i start the medication ;)

12.17.12 So unfortunately my body did not cooperate naturally for our appt. and they put me on bcp for 5 days to start my cycle again after only 10 days instead of 28. But we have non refundable airfare so we have to make my body cooperate.
On a good note our home study was reviewed and approved, so we are all good to go with the next fet date we can get into, which i am hoping to be in march. We were able to have brandons mom agree to watch our daughter overnight without telling her why we were going to tn. She was ok with the fact that it is a surprise. Not sure what we will do for the 3-4 days we need a sitter in march. Still hoping to keep this a secret until at least 12 weeks after a successful FET. I guess you will all know soon enough about our surprise and i know everything will work out how it is suppose to work out. Now on to enjoying the holidays and not accidentally revealing our secret.

12.23.12 wow i had a hard time not telling today with all my family. Especially my mom when she told me her and my dad were planning on taking all of us kids and families to disneyland in June. I may be the designated fast pass getter if our transfer works i would be about 3 months pregnant than and unsure if it will be a high risk multiple pregnancy or not and i can or can not travel. Our mock transfer is in only a couple of weeks now. I am done with the bcp and should start Estrace in about 5 days. Merry Christmas everyone. Crazy to think this time next year we could be having our next baby.

12.30.12 well tomorrow is my baby girls birthday. She will be 5. I definitely did not think we would have this big of a gap between our kids. But it is for the best since our daughter is very spirited and required a lot of attention. Now i think at almost 6 she will be such a big helper and will be in school half days when she starts kindergarten next fall.
Well i have been on Estrace for a day and last night was hard with the hot flashes, weird when i am always so cold. To me the mood swings it causes are not bad yet so hoping it stays that way, but i know this is just the beginning of hormone treatment before actual transfer. Again sorry if I am moody, trying hard to control it. Only 11 days until our trip and in laws trying to guess why we are going to TN while they watch our daughter. All we can say is it is a secret. I know the actual transfer trip will be hard to find a sitter for 4 nights, without telling why we are going. I just keep praying everything works the first time, since that is how much we have saved for. Till next time;)

1.3.13 one week till our appt in TN and I am a little nervous after emailing back and forth with couple that dropped out of program. I knew doing an embryo adoption over an embryo donation would be more involved with home study and counseling review, but I did not think they would require someone to do a certain level of openness. We decided on anonymous because we have not heard from C's birthmom in 3 years and did not want it to be hard on her to have siblings with more of a relationship with their bio parents. They said we can discuss at our appointment but they usually like to keep same level of openness for all kids. That would mean semi open for us. The main problem we have is that they want to charge $2600 to facilitate a couple or even 1 email a year. I guess we will see how it goes next week. Hopefully we can stay with them.

1,7.2012: Today they increased my dosage of Estrace and I could feel the effects. So far it had not been too bad, except mood swings. But now I have had some pretty bad nausea, which some say they experience and some say they dont. It is all worth it in the end. We are really looking forward to our trip in 2 days. Ready to get the ball rolling and see if this is going to work for us. C. Asks me almost everyday when her brother and sister will come. Today I said someday like normal and she said, "well he sure is taking a long time". Poor girl I know it is hard for her to see her friends have siblings and she is really starting to notice someone is missing here. We pray that this is what we are meant to do and that we will experience success and bring that sibling home for our girl.

1.10.13: Today we had our mock transfer here in TN. Yesterday we got in at midnight after a 6 hour flight. Needless to say we were exhausted. We actually were only in TN for 18 hours. The appointment went well. Dr. Keenan really knows what he is doing and said we are medically cleared. I had to show up with a full bladder after drinking 48-56 oz of water. The dr wanted to talk with us first and I was so uncomfortable and could only think about using the restroom. I finally asked if I could go and he said yes but only for 4 seconds. Hmmm that was fun. Then I went in to be prepped for mock transfer. The started ultrasound to make sure my bladder was full enough, well it was too full and he said go ahead and go 6-7 seconds. Wow again fun fun. I came back and he said wow champion of bladder control. From there on he had to take several photos due to my extreme tilted uterus. Mostly because he has to navigate it in 1 minute for actual transfer. Embryos can only be in catheter for 1 minute. Then we went into office and talked with coordinator about being required to have at least a semi open donation since our daughter's adoption is. We were not too happy about that just due to the added expense ($2700) for open agreement and the fact that we are at the mercy of the donors to accept us. We talked with embryologist about how we can pair embryos and a lot more information. Put we were pretty much deer in the headlights at that point. After that the nurse came in to talk to me about the medication protocol and take us on a tour of the facility.

1.20.2013: I have really felt the effects of all these hormones. Poor hubby has to deal with this beast. I did get off the estrace and prometrium last week to just go straight to birth control, which for me is the worst with moodiness. Add on top of that the stress of waiting and hoping one of the three donors selects us. The first never responded and we have been waiting patiently (we know it is a big decision for them) for over a week. Hopefully we hear this week. The donor we are waiting for right now has 15 embryos that are 2PN and multicell stages. If they select us we can reserve all 15, so if this works the first time we could go back for siblings or redonate back to the donation center for other families.

1.22.2012 - what an amazing day. The day did not start off the best. We were told the donors said we sounded good, but that they were wondering why we had so many failed attempts at adopting. So i wrote in detail why each situation failed. After that I talked with Brandon and told him that if this doesn't work being accepted that I was not sure I could go through it again. For the first time he agreed. I prayed so hard to turn things over to the lord. A couple hours later the coordinator called me and said what I wrote must have done the trick, because they accepted us. We now had 15 embie babies to help build our family. We now move on to counselor to negotiate our open agreement. They had stated semi annual or agreed upon we would be ok with that or keeping it to annual would keep it the same as our daughters. I think the idea of a blog again would be great. I could easily do more updates. We will see what they are comfortable with.

As if that wasn't the best news ever. I received a call 2 hours later from pay it forward fertility( who applied for a grant from in nov) informing me that we were the first couple to apply for a grant for embryo adoption and the board was moved by our struggles to adopt domestically. They are going to award us between $2-3,000 towards our transfer fees at the clinic. We owe $3500 still to clinic and $2700 to counselor. This is such a blessing. I never thought we would get the grant since I applied for numerous adoption grants with no luck. This is the first fertility grant though. I am just floored and in disbelief that everything is working out so smoothly for us. Now onto the counseling and medical prep for a march 19-21 transfer. That is less than 2 months away. I could be pregnant in less than two months with our adopted child. I never thought I would speak those words.

1.31.2013 - So here we are so close to our transfer in less than 2 months. We have been scheduled for march 20th if my body cooperates with drugs. Last night we spoke with our counselor about our open agreement. She told us more about our donors story.
So from here the counselor talks with donors again to see what level of communication they want after what we had been open to. She drafts the agreement. We sign and get it notarized and then off we go. This process is smoother for us I think since we already have a semi open adoption. I also picked up my meds at the pharmacy. 100 needles! I will be a human pin cushion in march.

2.7.2013- So here we are 41 days till transfer. Things are starting to get real. Counselor has her last call with donors to finalize our open donation agreement. Once that is done we will be able to officially reserve all 15 embryos to build our family. No worries we do not plan on having 16 kids. In reality that is probably 3 FET cycles. Hoping this works the first time and then in a couple of years we can add another genetic sibling to our family. Unless we have multiples and then we may consider redonating. But we will cross that bridge when it comes. I am starting to get really anxious now to know what are results will be. It is very important to have no stress during this process ( yeah right this one will be hard for me). I will try to take it one day at a time. They recommend 24 hours of bedrest afterwards and so we will stay in TN to make sure I do not overdue it while we travel home.

2.8.2013 so great news today. Lori from PIFF had called before to tell us we were selected to receive a grant probably around $2-$3000. Well today she emailed me the official forms to sign and it contained the amount awarded. Can you believe it, they awarded us $4000. The remainder of what we owed, which is such a unexpected blessing that we did not have to deplete our savings that We wanted to save for pregnancy costs. We also received my medication protocol and the finalized open donation agreement. After the donors and we sign and notarize this document, there is no backing out and no one changing their minds at birth. Such a relief after 3 failed adoptions. More to come.

2.14.2013. Happy valentines Day!! T minus 34 days till transfer. We are getting so close. EEEEKK. We are so excited

2.21.2013- today I start taking the lupron shots at night. This means less than 30 days till transfer. We had some scares this week that we were going to lose the grant but our clinic and grant founder really pulled for us and we are back on track. I also got a scare because I started spotting, but I guess that is normal when they try to lengthen your cycle with BCP. We have made the final decision on transfering 3 embryos and will send that paperwork tomorrow to the embryologist. Our flights and hotel are booked, i just need to find a deal for a car rental and we are set. I have even started making plans of what we should do the night after the transfer when the 24 hr bedrest is up. Nice steak dinner and a movie to celebrate being PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). I am also going to do the pineapple core method to help with implantation. Any little bit. Giving up caffeine has been going good. I have only caved with the migraines I get and that was only 2 cans. So since jan 1 I have probably only had 5 cans of caffeinated soda. :) well I better go enjoy my last hours of not taking daily shots. If the transfer works I will be doing twice a day shots for 10-12 weeks to help prevent miscarriage.

2.26.2013 well I have now done 5 shots of the Lupron. All I can say is zzzzzzzzzz. Yup I am so tired, which is not a horrible side effect. Anything for our next baby. Our Daughter does not really know what is going on. But she has been praying her baby brother and sister come soon. :) maybe twins are in our future. Well only 22 more days. We actually fly out 3 weeks from today! So excited, nervous and hopeful.

2.28.2013 - had my baseline ultrasound and bw today. Everything cleared for my ultrasound (1.4mm, just has to be under 6mm ) and I am just received a call from IVF nurse and my E2 # is 27.6 (just has to be under 60) . So I am cleared to start taking estrace on Sunday and move into prepping my lining for implantation.

In other news I hit a blood vessel last night and it bruised really bad (see photo). All worth it for our future kids. We are getting so close. 20 days till transfer.

It actually became practically black and twice this size

3.1.2013- put together my med protocol on a calendar so I can keep things straight. Fun fun

3.5.13 - 2 weeks until we leave. I have been on Estrace for 2.5 days now and it is a low dose to start, so the side effects are not as bad. Praying it helps my lining get above 8mm and my E2 number nice and high where they want it on the 15th, so everything is a go for this cycle. There are now only 18 couples in this transfer cycle instead of the 19 originally. Interesting fact the NEDC just posted 
"Some interesting stats about NEDC: Since the beginning of the clinic in 2003, NEDC has had over 340 babies born from donor embryos! 24% twins and 4% triplets and the rest are singletons."
Wow is all I can say. They do about 70-90 transfers a year. So that puts them at about a 43% Live birth rate. We are hoping to be a part of that 43%. 24% chance at twins and a 4 % chance at triplets for our transfer it looks like. So we will keep praying for the peace of whatever God's will may be. Our daughter keeps thinking and telling us we are having a baby brother and a baby sister. We hope you are right sweetpea. We would be happy with twins :) 15 days till transfer. 8 more days on lupron :)

3.10.13- Only 10 days left till the transfer. I am so excited and nervous. My mom cones a week from today to watch our daughter while we are gone. I can not wait to meet our little embryos/future children. I know strange but hey welcome to the world of infertility! 2 more belly shots left to do. And I think I am getting pretty good now that I found the right spot.

3.12.13- just did my last lupron shot and I recorded it. So I have a record of this journey in more than just words. Of course I bled this time, when the last 6 were fine. Probably because I switched the angle for the camera so not a complete 90* angle. Oh well its my last one. I am now on 3 estrace pills a day. Holy hot flashes and bloating batman. It is all worth it though. I am feeling so positive, nervous but positive about our transfer next week. Not only will I be pregnant (which I never thought would happen) it will be with our adopted kids. Such a blessing. I think the donor couple is excited for the transfer too. They are so amazing from everything we have been told, we could not have been matched with a better family. Talk to you soon. I have a lot to do and if I am anything like my mom will be sick for the next 12 weeks! And I wont be getting much done.

3.20.13- well here I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). This morning I woke up took estrace and prenatal then had breakfast at hotel. I then hurried back and gave my shot, took all valium/ibuprofen/albutrol and we were off. I was drinking 25 ounces of water on the way. Not the 50 i did for the mock transfer. When we got there I was feeling really relaxed. They had me dress in gown and cap and took my vitals then the dr came in to see how we were. After him the embryologist gave us a status on our embryos along with a picture. We lost 4 embryos ( 1 did not survive the thaw and 3 arrested after 1 day) they then took me back to the transfer room. We were #1 that day of 6 transfers. They prep you, do ultrasound to confirm your bladder is full and then do a mock transfer to ensure they can navigate the catheter quickly.

Top: 6 Cell Grade 1, middle left: 8 cell Grade 2, Bottom: 10 cell Grade 1

3.25.13- I am 5dp3dt now and doing good. Had nausea this morning and horrible enhanced smell. A little cramping yesterday. Yesterday and today they should be implanting, so that cramping is normal. Cant wait to take a HPT and hopefully, I am feeling very positive to See those 2 lines.

4.2.13- yesterday was a very hard day for me. I struggled to know what Gods hand in all of this was. Why after bringing us so far and letting us see his hand in the process to get us to this transfer would he allow it to fail. I may never know that answer. God works in mysterious ways. I watched the last part of the bible series last night and it helped me realize that God does things in his own way to pave the way for the future, that road to the future in our plan can be riddled with pain, grief and suffering. Just like jesus and the disciples journey. We must remain faithful and stop doubting the plan. I was hoping for a happier end to this, but I see that it is not the end.
7.5.13- so I just wanted to update where we are at with our second try. We found out if we wanted a backup donor that we would have to pay another open agreement fee, so we are going to work with the 8 embryos we have left. The embryologist is planning on thawing all 6 of the 1 day embryos and growing to day 3 and hopefully having 3 left surviving at day 3 to transfer. She is hoping she just picked a bad straw last time when none of the day 1 embryos survived past 12 hours. Here is praying. For now we feel like this is our last try at expanding our family, but you never know what the future holds.
7.28.13 - We have our transfer date Sept 19th, 2013. After much discussion we have decided this will be our final try to expand our family, unless an adoption just lands in our laps we will be done. So I am staying positive and trying to live stress fee, as much as possible with a 5 yr old. I will need to reorder my meds soon. I already started BCP last week. Lupron shots should start in 2 weeks or so. we will transfer 3 again this time if we have enough that survive the thaw and grow stage.

8.5.13 -
So in my efforts to do everything that I have seen other couples do to have a successful cycle. I have started taking Baby Aspirin for this cycle and hope to do acupuncture the week before and the week after our transfer. I asked the nurse and they do not currently recommend it to their patients, but she said it will not hurt anything if I take it either, so here is hoping the thinner blood will help with implantation this time around. In other news I am just busy trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer, before my little gal is officially in Big Kid School. Kindergarten came so quick and luckily it is only 2.5 hours like preschool only everyday or I may get sick worrying how she is doing the whole day. It will be nice to go to the grocery store again and focus on what I am buying instead of neutralizing meltdowns ;) 

I am really hoping this cycle is successful since we really like our donors and hope to continue and develop our semi open relationship with them throughout the years. We have 8 embryos left, but 6 are at the Day 1 stage and 3 of those did not survive long enough last transfer and arrested. They are thawing all 6 this time and growing all of them in hopes those last three were just a bad straw and we have success with these ones.

8.8.13 -
So I was willing to pay $75 extra for my lupron because it was going to go towards my medical deductible and last transfer if it worked we would have had a delivery in 2013, but now with a september transfer a delivery would not be till 2014 and a new deductible. So when I went to pick up lupron kit at the local compounding pharmacy and they raised the price $75 more than I was told on the phone and I paid last time it was no longer worth it to pay $150 more, so now my lupron will come in the mail next week. Plenty of time since I dont start till 8/23. I feel bad because local pharmacy had to special order it, but if they told me the right price up front it would have never been ordered.

And that is my craziness for today

In other news my garden is starting to really produce!!

8.12.13 -
Time is going by so fast lately. My baby is starting kindergarten in 2 weeks and has her entrance testing in a week. It is half day kindergarten but it is everyday and in a much larger class than her preschool was. I am nervous, scared and excited for her. She looked like kindergartner a couple years ago and looks more like a 3rd grader this year with how tall she is, but she is my little ;) kindergartner now. Hard to imagine this baby that was placed in our arms 5.5 years ago is now this old. It just goes to show you that time is short before we return to our father in heaven and we should enjoy every minute of it on this earth.

Also lately she has been asking everyone if they have a baby in their tummy, even really skinny people. I feel so bad, but I just tell them she is really fascinated with pregnant women lately, she does not know what we are doing, since the failed adoption was very hard on her when her expected brother never came home. We have decided not to talk to her about this process just yet. She does get really interested when she walks in on me doing the shots, but we told her it is just special medicine for mommy. I can just picture it now her telling her teachers her mommy does shots in her bathroom. :)

And here is a beautiful slightly overcast morning view from our back deck :)

8.14.13 -
Nothing big to report today. Still debating acupuncture with having to travel and thinking maybe just a massage the week before and a massage the week after for stress relief.

My lupron came yesterday, this time it came in a cool pack indicating it needed to be in the fridge last time the local pharmacy said room temp, so I wonder if that makes a difference.

T minus 9 days till I start Lupron shots. Oh well this is it. Our last shot at #2 unless we change our mind several years down the road and have the $ again to do so

8.16.13 -
I do not remember having these side effects with BCP before. I have had strange abdominal pains and twinges, not cramping. Headaches and dizziness which tend to cause nausea for me. Less than two week on it thanks goodness. I start my Lupron belly shots in a week. Second time around the shots are not that crazy or nerve wracking.

This cycle is going to fly by with back to school starting in the middle of it. Oh and I have an interview for a job next week that will ultimately be an extra at home night job to earn some extra to save if this cycle works for the new baby, since we have spent so much just trying to adopt or get pregnant in the last year. 

I will leave you with a picture of the nursery I prepared last year for the boy we were chosen to adopt that the expectant father changed his mind after birth. Luckily it is pretty neutral. I can always add a vinyl quote in pink or something. Our daughter had a blue nursery too, since we had to failed adoptions for boys, before her. 

8.26.13 -
Well today I start lupron. Not too nervous about it. I am actually just excited that it means next week I can stop BCPs. My poor hubby and daughter, I try to control the mood swings it gives me the best I can, but all I can say to them is good riddance.

Lupron really only gave me hot flashes and exhaustion last time. I would literally fall asleep with in an hour of doing the shot, like I was drugged. 

In other news I am so excited to finally take the leap and open my in home ethnic braiding salon. After being asked by several moms in my transracial playgroup and random strangers at the store and recently contemplating getting a second job this seemed like the best solution and the response has been great!!! So lots of change, new business, starting Lupron and daughter starts school. All in the next week!!
Salon will be in nursery until we can finish a room in the basement or finish the back part of our third double deep garage. I had already taken all the baby things and crib out of the room so it works great\

8.30.13 -
Katie my IVF Nurse just called and my lining was 2.9 mm and my Estradiol was 24.5. So I am clear to start my Estrace on Monday. Oh little blue pill, I would not choose to take you but you mean I am really close to hopefully meeting our new baby as an embryo. Praying this time takes for us, we will most likely have to take a longer break to try a third time if we go back again to save the fees again.





9.2.13 -
Only 17 days left till transfer. I need to choose our entrees for the flights and start estrace on this beautiful labor day.

I am trying to get projects around the house done in hopes I will be pregnant and not feeling like doing them ;). We are keep this all secret again. Only our parents know :) praying this is it for us. If it does not work. We may be faced with the fact of being done with trying and having only one beautiful child. 

We have one more try after this at the NEDC, but we will need a new donor most likely and that will require more open agreement fees. So it could be another year before we have that kind of money again since it would be another $2700 fee in addition to the regular $3525 transfer fees. And I dont know what their policy is on home studies after a year or if they will let us wait that long. These are all what ifs, because it is hard for me to just give up if this doesn't work. Just not sure financially how much longer we can go through all of this emotionally and financially. Really praying this is it after all we have gone through to build our family. You would think out of 15 embryos there has to be at least 1 that will stick and grow. 

Sorry for the rant just thinking a lot.

Had my ultrasound and bloodwork today and   awaiting results. The technician told me I had an 11mm lining with a triple stripe and said it was beautiful. So hopefully that means we are good to go for next weeks transfer.

I have been busy with my braiding business with 6 clients already. Hoping to get salon finished in garage before winter, but we will see how this transfer goes.

9.16.13 - I was cleared on friday with an 11.2 lining and 316 estradiol. Started PIO yesterday!!

9.22.13 - The 19th started out nice and relaxing. We enjoyed a small breakfast at the hotel  I did my PIO shot and took my others meds and vitamins and headed over to the clinic.
Since the embryos are very sensitive to perfumes we were instructed to wear no makeup lotion perfume or scented deodorant. So here we are above on our way to the clinic.  I also drank a full water bottle on the way and took my valium and other meds in preparation for the transfer. I was feeling really relaxed by the time we arrived and I was taken back to get changed and prepped for the transfer.
Yes you can tell I am loopy above before the transfer. Next the dr and embryologist came over to talk to us about how our embryos thawed and grew. We thought they would have to that all 6 of our day 1 embies to get three survive for transfer. Well they only thawed 3 and they all grew for 2 days to prove how strong they were. We transferred starting with the bottom and going clockwise, 1 8cell compacting grade 1, 8 cell with fragmentation grade 3, and another 8 cell grade 1.  The first one on the bottom is the best looking embryo and a day ahead in growth because it is starting to compact into a blastocyst.
The procedure is not the most pleasant, but the Dr and nurses were really nice and commented on how nice my lining looked for the transfer.  I then layed inverted in the bed for 30 minutes before they allow u to empty your bladder. I was able to sneak a quick hello to shannon from Room for More blog, as we left and she just got out of her transfer. We then headed back to the hotel where Ifelt tired   from valium but other than that really good. We got room service for a late lunch and I continued my bedrest for the rest of that day. The next day we slept in and got to hotel breakfast down the hall and chose to take it easy again. We webt out for a drive in the afternoon an ate at the cheesecake factory. Grabbed a pair of earphone splitters at target on the way back to the hotel so we could watch a movie on the I pad together on the flight home. Yesterday when we got back to the hotel I began to get a horrible headache , dizziness and slight nausea. I believe from all the hormone meds. Our blood test is on the 30th and we will know if we will be a family of three only or a family of 4 (or 5 or 6, depending on which ones take). I am really optimistic this time and things just feel different this time around plus if this works and we want more kids we still have 5 embryos left from the same donor. So they could have genetic siblings too.  Here are a few pics I took while driving around knoxville

9.23.13 -
I am feeling really positive. Had what nurse and others think was implantation spotting at 4dp3dt and again at 5dp3dt. Both very light and for only a couple hours each day. Maybe twins??!!! I dont know but I am super tired my back hurts. Having pulling stretching with flutters cramps that are very dull and not like AF cramps. Feeling optimistic. 5 days left till beta. Please pray for our 3 little ones that they are hanging on and growing strong.

In other news my rear is killing me from my horrible shot I did in the chicago airport. Hope that bruise and lump goes away soon. It hurts to walk but it is so worth it!!

9.26.13 -
Ok this past week has flown by thank goodness, but now I just want to know if this worked. 4 more days I can do it!! Have a clear blue test sitting under my sink makes it hard but I promised God all faith in him and I will wait. So until then I pray for my babies and hurry to pass the time. I am actually feeling great today. Not really any symptoms but thirst. Last time I was really feeling crummy right about now. So hopefully that is a good sign :)

In other news we got a cold spell and this is the beautiful view from it. 
Sorry there is some cloud cover but you can still see the snow!!

9.29.13 -
Well I have stayed strong and have not used a HPT. Our lives could drastically change after tomorrow. We will find out if our third attempt to add to our family worked or not. Tonight I found out another family member is pregnant and due in the spring. I was very happy for her, although the timing is very hard with our future being unknown. I pray with all my heart that this is it for us, but I know that this is not my choice and it is in the Lords hands now.

Please pray for us no matter the outcome tomorrow. We know it is out of our hands and we submit to Gods will on this journey. 

Tonight while tucking in my daughter after hearing she was going to have a new cousin asked me why she does not have a sibling or why I dont have a baby in my tummy. I explained to her that some mommies have broken tummies and can not create babies. I told her that is why she came to our family through adoption. She then proceeded to tell me to tell her daddy to adopt her a baby sister. Can we say I was holding back tears. This little girl had been so patient seeing all of her family and friends have siblings while she is the only one that is a only child that is not a baby that she knows :(. She deserves to have a sibling. 

I told her that only God can control whether we are meant to have more kids in our family. 

Thank you for all of your support during this time

9.30.13 -
Yup 13.9 beta
Progesterone over 40 which is good
Not much to say. So confused
I know that whatever Gods will may be that it will be done!

10.2.13 -
For now at least at to even see this test brought do much joy to my heart!! Thank you all for your support. This test tests at 25 hcg and I need a 28 to double!!

10.4.13 -
Well I am finally blogging about this our second beta was a whopping...................

So they told me to stop meds and wait for it to end on wednesday. Nothing yet. Technically I am 4 weeks 5 days today I believe. It is hard to know I am pregnant but it is not viable and will eventually be over. We struggle wondering what to do. This was always going to be our hail mary. But hey God granted me the one thing I thought I would never see. A positive pregnancy test and for the little time I am pregnant I am forever grateful for this blessing.

11.19.13 -
It has been a while since I posted. I left off awaiting a miscarriage, which happened exactly at 5 weeks of pregnancy so it is considered a chemical pregnancy before a heartbeat is detected. We still have 5 embryos left, but the doctor is recommending we use new embryos for our third and last try. We are still open to the possibility of a domestic adoption should the situation present itself. In the mean time we are focusing on our little family and debating what we should do. We may try again next year with nedc or stay with our local clinic. Any path we choose we will need to save up the money needed for the procedure again and all of the meds.

Again I appreciate all of your support and it gives me hope that my cycle buddy from march and again sept from room for more blog was successful her third true with new embryos and is now pregnant with triplets.

We never know what the future holds but have faith that it will work out according to Gods plan!!